Feelings that came suddenly...

[Pic taken from: http://www.xoases.net/]

It had been a whole day rain... I like the rain, but sometimes rain significant depression and sadness... Sometimes, even Loneliness.

It is never ever lonely when you walk home alone in the drizzling rain. The drops of freezing rain fall on your warmth (37 degrees) skin. A feeling shot me suddenly, hoping to see someone... Hoping someone beside me...

I had been weak since I was a baby... It is somehow hard for me to get healthier until I went to secondary school when I grew tall and higher... In everyone's eyes, I'm always the smallest one, the one that will never grows up. Maybe that's what I want to be?

I hate myself as I grow. I hate this world which is full of darkness. Fighting to live, making use of others to get what we want, Struggling to be at the top most, getting scold and humiliated to earn a living. This is not what humans meant to be.

I saw a quote two days ago when I open "Breaking Dawn" by Stephanie Meyer.

"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age.

The child is grown, and puts away childish things,

Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."

-------------------- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Maybe I wanted to be in this kingdom. I'm afraid of darkness, I'm afraid of dead. It is even worse when I was force to say:"Yes, I'm afraid of loneliness. I'm afraid to be alone." There is only 0-0.02% of the world population who will be there for you when you give them a call telling them:"Help.". There is only 0-0.01% who will be there for you when you call them telling them:"I'm lonely." and there is only 0-0.00002% who will be there for you when you call them and say:"I'm in trouble."

Standing at the balcony of my hostel, looking at the rain... Raindrops falls on my palm... Feeling the coldness of the rain and the cooling breeze, I shuddered. I felt lonely, really lonely although I love the rain. Sometimes, feelings just come when you see couples kissing; grandpa and grandma holding hands; a child running around his loving parents.

SOmetimes, a sort of unspoken and indescribable feeling just come and you sort of like... felt lonely and cold... and hoping the one you wish to see is just right beside you...