Good evening, and I'm you Feelings FM DJ... As usual, Ivy.
The song of the day would be... Here, I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables, violin cover by Jun Sung Ahn. I hope you like it... It is a beautifully played song...
Today's theme as stated above and I know not much people are interested when they see my title since it's not like the others post... FOOD~ OKOK, chill.. Wait till I find something special then I'll do some food review again... I can't be posting MCD food review right? Haha.
Anyway, some thoughts have been bugging me these few days. Guess is the weather? Or maybe the stress coming up for exams? Or maybe I'm thinking too much? Well, I really do not know which is which really... I've been feeling quite EMO for the past two weeks and I still cannot get over it. I wonder why but I think I know the reason... I'm too dependent on others...
I saw a post from my friend's blog: Moi et N'importe Quo... Although the title is in French, but trust me... The content is mostly in English. Well, basically I saw this post and I smiled... Because at least there is someone I know who are not really close with me knows me better than my good friends do. I'm not trying to compare here but yeah... He still understands it albeit not much who I really am.
Things have been quite bad for me these few weeks. Due to stress in examination and my own thinking, I get all the mood sways out of nowhere. This moment I can be super active, next moment my feeling was like sliding down the cliff. I do not know who I really am in my surroundings now as I don't seem to fit in after... well, almost one and a half years. Loneliness is always there and I shouldn't be showing and telling it to anyone but myself.
Sometimes, we just need someone to talk to but it's just that no one is there. I just look up and saw that my friends are all ahead of me and I'm still taking my slow step behind. People think differently and people judge others differently. I'm not really the welcomed type of person and usually, people would just hate me from the very first moment they saw me. I just portray myself as being arrogant, maybe?
Today, I posted a status on FB: "Sometimes loneliness makes you realize who you really are and what your surrounding look like... and then makes you feel that you rather be lonely..."
That's what came across my mind at that very moment. I'm afraid of a lot of things and I'm actually a big coward. I like extreme sports because that's the only way I can get hurt and reminds me that I'm actually still alive with all the things around me and to be contented of everything. I'm scared but I cannot find another way to push away the fright I have in me...
I do not expect anyone to understand what I'm going through for two reasons:
1. Every individuals have their own thinking and no one would understand what others are going through.
2. Me, myself do not know what and why I'm having all the emo moments and loneliness and sadness.
No one understands and no one will... Sometimes I just feel sad for no reason or maybe there is a reason and I do not know why.
And so, this should end because everyone would get bored and think that I'm a paranoid or so. The one thing that I always tell myself is no one will pity you and no one will be there when problem arises. The most trustworthy person is you and yourself. But sometimes that one person who understands would be more than enough and I'm glad that he described it well... Yes, I am active and lively from the outside but at the inside I'm a sentimental person...
Well, life's never easy... Tomorrow is a new day and it means a new start. Neh?
