Finish LAW~!!!

Finally, finish law test... This two weeks are really stressed out... While in stress, I always feel that there is someone there to back me up...

Thank you, dear friend. Thank you, mommy...

I missed him these two weeks... The feeling is growing more and more each day... I don't know am I right to have that feeling.... I don't know if I'm allowed to have the feelings... But I really misses him... Really do...

I know he doesn't know chinese... But if he understand, this is my message to him... 够爱。

#我穿梭金星木星水星火星土星追寻

追寻你时间滴滴答滴答答滴声音

我穿梭金星木星水星火星土星追寻

追寻你时间滴滴答滴答答滴声音

*指头还残留 你为我擦的指甲油

没想走你好像说过 你和我会不会有以后

￥时间一直一直变 地球不停的转动 在你的时空

我从没退缩懦弱

当我靠在你耳朵 只想轻轻对你说 

我的温柔 只想让你都拥有

@我的爱只能够 让你一个人独自拥有

我得灵和魂魄 不停守候 在你心门口

我得上和眼泪化为乌有 为你而流

藏在无边无际小小宇宙 爱你的我

&你听见了吗？我为你唱的这首歌

是为了要证明 我为了你 存在的意义

Repeat ￥@

爱你的我 不能停止脉搏 为了爱你奋斗 就请你让我说出口

爱只能够让你一个人独自拥有

我得灵和魂魄不停守候 在你心门口

我得上和眼泪化为乌有 为你而流

藏在无边无际小小宇宙 爱你的我 哦 爱你的我

Repeat#

Happy Birthday to Me

Officially 18~!! I should've said it yesterday, but when I came back to hostel it was late at night and I'm totally sleepy... So I renew today...

Yesterday, I really had a great time with my friends celebrating my bday for me... Although no cake, it is still warm and I'm really happy... For the whole day, the person whom I hope would appear did not appear... The one I misses the most among the friends. I had a feeling that he won't appear as he did not have class yesterday... But still I hope he appear.

After law class finished at 3.30pm... I somehow felt a bit lonely... I miss my family... This is the first time not celebrating my birthday at home... And it is my 18th Bday~ I sat down quietly and started studying. All of a sudden, some strange feelings came into me... I can somehow sense that he is there. Just right around me... I stepped out the class and went to the library but he was nowhere to be seen... I went to 404 and no sign of him. Then the next time I want to go to 404, I was stopped anxiously by Abigail and Wendy...

I know they were up to something but I really don't have the mood. After class, I went to Ji Xuen's place where Shi Yi and Ji Xuen got ready and three of us went to Starbucks at New World Park. Wendy told me she will be going home at 5pm... And she left but when we went for dinner... She came and I got shocked although I knew she would come. THen when I sat with my back facing to the door, suddenly someone came and hug me from the back... Tightly... I was sooo surprise when I saw him... It was him... I'm not dreaming... They got me a teddy which is really adorable... AWWW~!!!

Then we went to starbucks after the dinner... Although there are some conflicts but I really enjoyed my night... With All my friends: Chia Siew, Him, Abigail, Darren, Shi Yi, Wendy, Joson, Jin Hee surrounding me... I really had a great time... Especially him... I always hope that he would appear... I always hope that I would be able to past my birthday with him...

18 year old bday wish? A-Lvl 3A*~!!! And I hope my friends, family and me myself will stay healthy and safely and happily... ^^

My last hour as a 17 years Old

[Image taken from:http://www.idaocao.com/]

In 1 hour time, I'll be ending 17 years old... Is it a good news or a bad news? Birthday, is a day where we are born... It signifies the hardship of our dearest mother... Somehow on this day, I think I shouldn't be happy for myself but for my mother...

There is only a 50% chances of living on when a woman give birth to a child... ALthough the medicine technology is so much advance now, it does not mean it is an absolute that every woman who got pregnant may give birth to a healthy baby or give birth without any complications. 10 months of pregnancy, it is so hard and tough for a woman...

17 years, I have been living happily for 17 years. Today, I suddenly thought of my mom. Maybe its because this is the first year I'm not having my birthday at home... Somehow, when I thought of the hardship she went through... I just felt so lucky and fortunate and grateful to be on this world... To live here happily with my mom around me...

In one hour time, I'll be officially 18. This means that I'm a half adult... From now on, many things is up to me, myself to decide and work on... 18 years old means I'm no longer a minor... If I were to do anything wrong and got arrested, I can no longer ask for an adult beside me... 18 years old means I need to learn how to settle everything myself... 18 years old...

How I wish I never grow up... How I wish I'm still a kid that cuddles in my mom's arms... But the fact is, I'm growing up each year and this can no longer be changed. For the next year, I hope that me, my family and friends lives healthily and happily... I hope I get a good result, get a scholarship so that my parents would not have to worry where to sought the money for me to further my studies...

Happy Birthday to myself...

生日快乐 我对自己说...

Friendship is nothing much more than this

[Picture taken from:http://nuo.im/]

Sometimes I wonder, what is the true meaning of friendship? Everyone says, friend is someone whom can company you through up and down... Happy and sad... It feels hurt when you found out that your friend keep you away when they know you are better than them.

Today, something strucked me suddenly. I get to know that there is a Mechanic class going on and everyone is attending and no one, not a single one tell me about this. Not a sms, not a phonecall... Nothing. I get to know from another person's mouth and seriously at that moment, it made me felt really hurt.

Especially Jin Hee, I found out recently that I really don't know her. I don't know what she's thinking and I don't know what is she up to. Sometimes after class, she told me:"I'm going back to hostel to take a nap, not feeling well." and the next moment I saw her with a whole bunch of friends eating happily and merrily at the canteen. What can I do? All I can do is ignore. When she approached me, I just smile and say its alright. What can I do?

She told me that she is the worst in class, but turn out I'm the worst. It just really make me pissed off. I felt as if you want anything just say, I can help I'll help. There is no need to act innocent and dramatic just to get the attention. I didn't mind her being dramatic but sometimes its just not the right time.

Maybe it is my problem, I shouldn't have expected too much. Coming to college, having a new bunch of friends make me lost my mind... I totally forgotten how to survive. Everything is about POLITICS. I totally forgot, we need to be strong and independent to survive.

From today onwards, I'm not falling anymore. Friendship is nothing much more than that. Betraying, trying to get attention, trying to be popular. I will not trust anyone but myself, no more. I don't want to get myself hurt anymore, not anymore...

When you believe

This song came into my mind when I was feeling down every time. Each moment when I was down and I was about to broke, I tell myself to believe what I should believe. In our lives, there are so much to achieve, so much to go through and yet so little time for us.

People says things don't come easily and there are no free things in the world. I indeed agree with that. Whatever we want or opt for, we need to work for it. Somehow, there are times we couldn't manage to go through and couldn't manage to find a way to solve the circumstances we are facing.

"There can be miracles, when you believe,

Though hope is frail, its hard to kill,

Who knows what miracles, you can achieve

When you believe, somehow you will,

You'll know when you believe."

Miracles, that is what we always hope for. When we are in nowhere, when we feel lonely and when we couldn't achieve what we've targeted... this is what we always hope for. People say, we shouldn't believe in miracles... There won't be one. Yes, we shouldn't believe in that. But if we believe, we have 50% chance of seeing that miracle happen. However, if we don't, the chances of miracles happening will be 0%.

At times, we need to believe what we can achieve. Long time ago, humans say that flying is impossible; but later people even fly to the moon. Long time ago, humans say that it needs a long time to communicate a message to another, but later people only need 2 minutes to send a SMS to others. These happen due to technological change of course, but somehow people believe that these can be done.

WHen you believe, you can do anything. Who knows what miracles you can achieve? But to me, as long as you believe... Even if you did not achieve what you aimed for, you will still achieve a miracle.

A day Alone...

Feeling the vibration of the Xperia Arc lying on the "Breaking Dawn" beside my pillow, I opened my eyes. The damp and freezing atmosphere around the room send a chill down my spine. At a sudden thought, I thought that there was no one else in the room beside me... Everything around me seemed to came to a standstill.

It was not until I heard the creaking sound as I moved a bit on my bed 2 seconds later. Picked up the phone, I heard my mom's voice. It was unusual to see her name on the phone at this time of the day. Ya, I forgot. Normally this time of the day I'm either in class or at home. Today? OK, the first day of Raya break.

"Hello." I answered the phone. I can feel that my mom is worried about me as I felt quite sick two days ago. After finish the phone call... I throw my phone back to where it is(on top of my "Breaking Dawn" ) and went back to bed. The next time I open my eyes it was already 10.05am.

Took a slow breakfast, a warm water bath and I went back to college to pick up a book I left in the locker. It was drizzling, and I open my umbrella. Having know that all of my friends were busy, I'm already prepared to past the day alone.

I went back to the hostel, watch an episode or two of the new drama my room mate gave me and pack my things to go for lunch. After lunch, I stepped into my favorite coffee shop... (Yea, you're right... Starbucks) to settle down and start studying.

This day alone made me think a lot. The cloudy weather made my mood sway. It is never more comfortable having jazz music swaying by your ears, rich coffee smell on the tip of your nose and the warm but yet cool atmosphere that Starbucks has as always.

Sitting alone on the couch, I look through the glass windows... The road in Penang is still as busy as always, with cars driving through continuously... Maybe I'm the one who cannot face the reality of this world. Maybe I should just give everyone a break. It seems everyone get stress out and starting to hate me whenever I talk.

A giggle is all I can give... It is hard to be strong when you are not, it is hard to put a smile on your face when you feel sad, it is hard when you try your best to make someone happy and in the end you make him/her felt worse. Sometimes giving a smile doesn't mean that I don't care and sometimes although I'm smiling, the pain within is never seen by anyone.

As time past, we will see that no one will remember there was this girl that once came into their life. I rather live that way, maybe somewhere in me felt hurt but somewhere in me felt that maybe the way I live will make me take things easier and maybe I could've just live happier?

Maybe sometimes in this busy world, we need to slow down our pace... To take a look at everyone around you.

A day alone... Really made me think a lot. Taking the last sip of my Cappuccino, I type this last sentence... I'm no one but a passerby... as usual...

Feelings that came suddenly...

[Pic taken from: http://www.xoases.net/]

It had been a whole day rain... I like the rain, but sometimes rain significant depression and sadness... Sometimes, even Loneliness.

It is never ever lonely when you walk home alone in the drizzling rain. The drops of freezing rain fall on your warmth (37 degrees) skin. A feeling shot me suddenly, hoping to see someone... Hoping someone beside me...

I had been weak since I was a baby... It is somehow hard for me to get healthier until I went to secondary school when I grew tall and higher... In everyone's eyes, I'm always the smallest one, the one that will never grows up. Maybe that's what I want to be?

I hate myself as I grow. I hate this world which is full of darkness. Fighting to live, making use of others to get what we want, Struggling to be at the top most, getting scold and humiliated to earn a living. This is not what humans meant to be.

I saw a quote two days ago when I open "Breaking Dawn" by Stephanie Meyer.

"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age.

The child is grown, and puts away childish things,

Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."

-------------------- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Maybe I wanted to be in this kingdom. I'm afraid of darkness, I'm afraid of dead. It is even worse when I was force to say:"Yes, I'm afraid of loneliness. I'm afraid to be alone." There is only 0-0.02% of the world population who will be there for you when you give them a call telling them:"Help.". There is only 0-0.01% who will be there for you when you call them telling them:"I'm lonely." and there is only 0-0.00002% who will be there for you when you call them and say:"I'm in trouble."

Standing at the balcony of my hostel, looking at the rain... Raindrops falls on my palm... Feeling the coldness of the rain and the cooling breeze, I shuddered. I felt lonely, really lonely although I love the rain. Sometimes, feelings just come when you see couples kissing; grandpa and grandma holding hands; a child running around his loving parents.

SOmetimes, a sort of unspoken and indescribable feeling just come and you sort of like... felt lonely and cold... and hoping the one you wish to see is just right beside you...