Just to talk crap

Thank you for tuning in to Feelings FM and I'm always the DJ, Ivy... Woohoo!
Well, today I decided to renew my blog post after being redundant for nearly three months (or more)...
The thing is, there are a few reasons why I did not renew the blog.
I know you are not interested to know why but I'm still gonna say it for the sake of saying it... Blek!

1. I was quite busy for the past few months
A few months ago, stress and pressure started to build... Why? It's exam period, duh. Student gets stress up for exams, especially us... Law students. There is like thousand of things to read and stuff into that tiny little brain of ours but the time is running out and our hard disk space is also running out.
So I did not have time to sit down and finish writing a blog post. When I meant finish, it means I attempted to write one but did not succeed at doing it. I just ditched all the post and trust me, all of them are still saved in as my draft post. LOLX

2. I'm just lazy.
Yes, you heard me right. I'm way too lazy to renew my blog. Partially due to exam stress, my brain wasn't really functioning for the past few months. Partially also because there is no inspiration to write about anything. I can blabber about my boring life but who would wanna see it? (Although it's not like anyone will read my blog when I'm not talking about my boring life)
Thus, I gave myself a three months break and get myself out of my blog. I rather sleep than think of what to write. So forgive me...

3. My life got boring.
Ah ha... OK, not actually THAT boring. See, I have been eating out quite often and I started to get addicted with Instagram. By the way, here is my Insta account, make sure you follow me: http://instagram.com/jzivy93
And spoiler alert: If you click in, you will see food and food and food. And yes, when exam periods creep in... All I do was Eat and Eat and Eat... So just enjoy looking at the food from my Insta and hey, stop drooling... Get a napkin or something, your table is all wet.

I think that's all... As to why at this hour of the day, I decided to resurrect my blog once again... There is only one reason:
I'm not going to have internet access for the coming two weeks...
And yes, I mean it. I'm going to be working at the top of some hills or mountains or whatsoever they call it (one of the reason I did not do well for my Geography). There, the telecommunication line sucks and they do not have Wi-Fi in the hostels. So I will not be able to get access to the internet for TWO WEEKS! Oh, even if you call me, you won't be able to hear me clearly due to the telecommunication problem. And ya, that is why I decided to just renew the blog to update on my latest status and...

Oh course, JUST TO TALK CRAP!!!

Anyway, Good night people. Since my holiday started, Happy Holiday to those who are also having their summer holidays. And to those who do not have one, happy studying and remember to tune in to my blog once in a while(to save your time, do not have to do so in the next two weeks).

不哭

其实今天选这首歌没有任何意义，纯粹只是因为它的名字——《相信》
最近我又开始犯了老毛病，我开始过度敏感……
我开始怀疑、开始害怕、开始不快乐。
我开始怀疑身边的朋友是不是不喜欢我，
我开始怀疑自己其实不过是他们可以利用的工具。
有事的时候就往我这里奔，每事的时候就当着没有看到我。
我最近还感觉自己渐渐失去了一个好朋友……
是我自己多疑了吗？
是，我不快乐。我想哭……但是我告诉自己，无论如何都不可以哭。
不可以脆弱，不可以倒下。
我感觉到非常不安……
可是又可以怎样呢？
自己本身就很多缺点，也不是每一个人都可以接受。
乖，不哭……一切会过去的，我告诉自己……
我害怕相信，因为我害怕被背叛……
但是我只能相信吗？
谁可以告诉我，我其实是可以相信他的……

It is A Pretty Awesome Day

Thank you again for tuning in to Feelings FM. Still as always, I'm your Feelings DJ, Ivy.
OK, the song of the day would be this: Counting Stars by One Republic.
This is my UMPH song, as in... It gives me the motivation to start something, like a starter for a car.
And particularly, that one line I really like?
EVERYTHING THAT KILLS ME MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE.
And never miss, I will be like OH YEAH~!!!! AH HA~!!!

Anyway, back to today's topic.
You know I had a great day from the title alone, well judge me then... HAHAHA
INdeed, I had a pretty awesome day.
This is a day where I like people around me, I like for the fact that the world is not as materialistic or stranger as we think it is.
I like the warmth people give to me and I can't help but smile to myself thinking of everything that happen today.

It all started with the same old boring day where I get out of bed and went to the library to study.
Exam is coming up in.... 76 days... What to do? Needa buckle up and start to work my ass out...
Anyway, my day started pretty bad.
I did not had a tight sleep last night, the photostating shop I use to go can't print my stuffs due to the CD Rom error, the other shop is gonna charge me sky high. So I did not get anything right and did not get anything done.
Plus, my voice is starting to change due to the hot weather and though drinking tons of water, it doesn't help much.
45 minutes LRT ride makes me feel like jumping out of the train immediately.
Some unknown weird lady slammed herself on me and did not even apologize, not to forget a man who is standing a few meters away from me and yet I can smell his body odor... Along the way I was trying so hard to not breathe. Have you ever get into this situation where either choice makes you feel like dying?
The library was pretty quiet and cool until a bunch of Year 1 kids came in and start talking as if nobody's business. They just sat there and start chatting so loud and the librarian is not doing anything.
Damn annoying day huh?

So I finished study at 4 and went back. The weather is okay so as planned I went jogging.
I've started this running thing for like one week now... And I love it because it's the only time when "study", "cases", "judgement", "judges", "academician", "criticism" can just get outta my mind.
During every run the only thing I can think about is to keep running and break my previous record (though I did not get a good timing but it's still an achievement to break them every time... XD)
Running against the wind is so cooling, I feel the pain in my leg and lungs as I breathe but this is the time everything seems so alive.
Since I started running, I have been taking out after the run from this stall. The uncle is so cheerful and kind...
Friendly nice uncle who always asked me how is the run and telling me all his stories.
I'm not really someone who knows how to communicate but smile throughout the conversation..
At least we know someone cares...

And today, I received a surprising phone call from one of my closest course mate, Duncan.
He was like, "Hey, Ivy. Where are you? Wanna go out for dinner?"
I got a shock of my life, "Hold on, dinner? I'm at my place ady la..."
And he thought that I was still in the library and offered me a ride for dinner since the place is quite inconvenient to travel around.
At that very moment, I felt warmth crippling up my heart.
I can't explain how much that means to me...
A lone ranger finally have some friends who care... Wow...
If he ever reads this, I just wanna thank him for the offer. Thank you for all the trouble and sorry for rejecting a favor...

The last thing before I start typing this is the shop I went to.
I ordered a packet of Chinese tea after the run, just to cool down my body with dinner.
This boss was asking me if I run often and he offered me a packet of herbal tea instead of chinese tea...
I wanted my chinese tea but he insisted in getting me a packet of herbal tea, and charge me for only the price of chinese tea...
He even gave me a super full packet of drink and give me some encouragement to run more and telling me it's good to exercise often...
As I was walking back to my apartment against the cooling wind, I smile from my heart.
At least we know in such a big city, though the general rule is that people are selfish and negative...
There are people who cares and who at times offer you some warmth...
You might think that I'm stupid to get all happy for all these littlest things but isn't life suppose to be like this.
Learn and appreciate from the very littlest things and start feeling contented and happy over small stuffs... Life would really turn out to be much happier this way...

Trust me this is only half the packet... It was full!!!! LITERALLY FULL...

Anyway, come to think of it... Though my day did not start well, it was a pretty awesome day after all...
And it's time for dinner... Thanks for reading my blog and have a nice day~!

Dropping By...

Well, I haven't been up here for quite some time now... Yikes, when was the last time again? Oh, 3 months ago... Great.

I'm you Feelings FM DJ, Ivy. Good evening and did you guys have a pleasant day? Oh, I didn't.
Let's see, 3 months, 3 months. So much to catch up, huh?
Nothing much happens actually, living life as usual. But it's getting busier, exam's approaching and ya know, law is a tough subject.

Hmm, well let's stop all the blabbering and the song I present to you tonight is Everybody Got SOmebody But Me by Hunter Hayes(ft Jason Mraz).

And the next version is a cover by Sam Tsui. Personally, I prefer Sam Tsui's version but the thing is... It's too sad. Need the ori to lighten up the mood a little.

I have been quite lazy to update my blog, putting it on hold for quite some time now. SOmehow I just decided to drop by today and just post something about how I feel recently and how my life have been.


Well, I moved to a new place in October and things has been quite messed up. No Wi-Fi makes life difficult, like EXTREMELY difficult. Don't they know that Wi-fi has been listed as one of the HUman rights now? Jeez. They needa do something bout it, man. Or else, I'm gonna bored to dead.

Anyway, after I came back to KL I 'm so busy with all my assignments and studies and catching up that I don't even have time to catch a breath. Need some Kit-Kat... But NO, no time for all the nonsense. Striking a balance between fun and studies is really hard. Making some time for my upcoming novel is even harder. Blogging... I ain't have time for that no more. Sounds pathetic right? Nah... I'm just lazy.

So, I'm changing for good. And duh~! I'm determined this time. Needa start moving my butts and don't just sit in front of the laptop and staring at the desktop all day. At least I need to do some novel writing or blogging. Hmm... Oh, and food.

I'm learning ukulele lately and needa slot time for that now. Jeez, if only I have 36 hours a day. Well, you know my way: Fun, Food, Adventures! What's life without all these and study all day? I've been quite hyper lately and can't really think straight and start getting sentimental and emotional like before, maybe when stress mode is on in say 1 month time? You'll see the depressed me again, I bet.

Good night for now and have a nice day tomorrow, rain or shine.
And for Malaysians, Happy Thaipusam this upcoming Friday.

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. 
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

--------- Audrey Hepburn

Sometimes that one person is more than enough...

Good evening, and I'm you Feelings FM DJ... As usual, Ivy.

The song of the day would be... Here, I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables, violin cover by Jun Sung Ahn. I hope you like it... It is a beautifully played song...

Today's theme as stated above and I know not much people are interested when they see my title since it's not like the others post... FOOD~ OKOK, chill.. Wait till I find something special then I'll do some food review again... I can't be posting MCD food review right? Haha.

Anyway, some thoughts have been bugging me these few days. Guess is the weather? Or maybe the stress coming up for exams? Or maybe I'm thinking too much? Well, I really do not know which is which really... I've been feeling quite EMO for the past two weeks and I still cannot get over it. I wonder why but I think I know the reason... I'm too dependent on others...

I saw a post from my friend's blog: Moi et N'importe Quo... Although the title is in French, but trust me... The content is mostly in English. Well, basically I saw this post and I smiled... Because at least there is someone I know who are not really close with me knows me better than my good friends do. I'm not trying to compare here but yeah... He still understands it albeit not much who I really am. 

Things have been quite bad for me these few weeks. Due to stress in examination and my own thinking, I get all the mood sways out of nowhere. This moment I can be super active, next moment my feeling was like sliding down the cliff. I do not know who I really am in my surroundings now as I don't seem to fit in after... well, almost one and a half years. Loneliness is always there and I shouldn't be showing and telling it to anyone but myself. 

Sometimes, we just need someone to talk to but it's just that no one is there. I just look up and saw that my friends are all ahead of me and I'm still taking my slow step behind. People think differently and people judge others differently. I'm not really the welcomed type of person and usually, people would just hate me from the very first moment they saw me. I just portray myself as being arrogant, maybe? 

Today, I posted a status on FB: "Sometimes loneliness makes you realize who you really are and what your surrounding look like... and then makes you feel that you rather be lonely..."

That's what came across my mind at that very moment. I'm afraid of a lot of things and I'm actually a big coward. I like extreme sports because that's the only way I can get hurt and reminds me that I'm actually still alive with all the things around me and to be contented of everything. I'm scared but I cannot find another way to push away the fright I have in me... 

I do not expect anyone to understand what I'm going through for two reasons:

1. Every individuals have their own thinking and no one would understand what others are going through.

2. Me, myself do not know what and why I'm having all the emo moments and loneliness and sadness.

No one understands and no one will... Sometimes I just feel sad for no reason or maybe there is a reason and I do not know why. 

And so, this should end because everyone would get bored and think that I'm a paranoid or so. The one thing that I always tell myself is no one will pity you and no one will be there when problem arises. The most trustworthy person is you and yourself. But sometimes that one person who understands would be more than enough and I'm glad that he described it well... Yes, I am active and lively from the outside but at the inside I'm a sentimental person... 

Well, life's never easy... Tomorrow is a new day and it means a new start. Neh?

Ready, Set, GO~!

A very pleasant night to those who are reading or wanting to read my blog. As usual, I'm your Feelings FM DJ, Ivy. Tonight's song would be Stay by Rihanna:


It had not been quite my time recently. I have been wandering around the maze of life trying to get hold of something which I do not know what it is actually.








I took this picture last week when I was on my way back into my condo in KL

When I saw this light shining through the gaps between the pillars, I stood there and look at the sunlight. It was very dazzling but at that very moment, it was like something to me. Something which I've always been searching for.

Since I came to KL, things have not been getting on smoothly. First I was ditched by my only friend in KL for I don't know whatever reason; Then I end up being antisocial in class, staying up all alone. Next I slacked in my studies... So it goes on and on...

In fact, things had been really depressing lately when exams are coming in 57 days and my room mate can never stop annoying me.

Well, I should say from this I learnt some real and true friends. I had a talk with my mom and she gave me another option but I hesitated. It's not that I like KL, in fact I never liked KL... But my friends here, the lecturers here... Those are the reason which makes my want to stay.

I remember one of my friend saying, "Ivy, don't go la!"
I remember one of my course mate saying, "You wanna transfer a? Why?"
I remember one of my bro saying: "You sure ah?"
I remember one of them saying: "As long as the problem is solved, you don't have to move right?"

A few of them volunteered to look out for rooms for me. I even met someone who told me today, "If it's really annoying, you can come over my place to study. My room mate is off till end of this month for study break so no problem. Just give me a text any time."
To say the truth, I'm touched and happy and glad and contented that I meet them.

I was such an antisocial person until I came into this class and I started having more and more friends. Some are Hi Bye friends, some I never talk to, some are study mates but nevertheless every one of them treat me well. I never regretted meeting them. I never regretted open up my heart and feelings to them.

I'm really sorry for the stress I've been through. Breaking down is so NOT ME, but I did last week in class itself. Some of them saw it but they gave me some support and ya, it was really helpful.

Today's status on FB：
I thank all my friends and course mates (this is targeted to them but here I add on, my parents and family) who are concerned about what I'm going through. Thank you for giving me advice and finding an alternative way for me to study under these undesirable circumstances. And I thank HER sincerely for inviting me over to study when it's convenient. Thank you so much. I'll try my best for the exam. Let's fight.

I learnt something... I learnt that there are people who hates me and there are people who loves me for who I am. I do not have to waste time on those who hates me... All I need to do is to appreciate those who loves me, those who supported me, those who accept me for who I am and what I do. Even one day things might change, there is still a 'once upon a time' leaving in my memories within...

Now it's time to get ready for a total boost and rush for examinations. 57 days to go and counting. Let's get ready. Let's pass our exams and meet again next year. Let's finish the whole course and graduate together!

ON YOUR MARK, READY, SET.... GO!!!