Sometimes that one person is more than enough...

Good evening, and I'm you Feelings FM DJ... As usual, Ivy.

The song of the day would be... Here, I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables, violin cover by Jun Sung Ahn. I hope you like it... It is a beautifully played song...

Today's theme as stated above and I know not much people are interested when they see my title since it's not like the others post... FOOD~ OKOK, chill.. Wait till I find something special then I'll do some food review again... I can't be posting MCD food review right? Haha.

Anyway, some thoughts have been bugging me these few days. Guess is the weather? Or maybe the stress coming up for exams? Or maybe I'm thinking too much? Well, I really do not know which is which really... I've been feeling quite EMO for the past two weeks and I still cannot get over it. I wonder why but I think I know the reason... I'm too dependent on others...

I saw a post from my friend's blog: Moi et N'importe Quo... Although the title is in French, but trust me... The content is mostly in English. Well, basically I saw this post and I smiled... Because at least there is someone I know who are not really close with me knows me better than my good friends do. I'm not trying to compare here but yeah... He still understands it albeit not much who I really am. 

Things have been quite bad for me these few weeks. Due to stress in examination and my own thinking, I get all the mood sways out of nowhere. This moment I can be super active, next moment my feeling was like sliding down the cliff. I do not know who I really am in my surroundings now as I don't seem to fit in after... well, almost one and a half years. Loneliness is always there and I shouldn't be showing and telling it to anyone but myself. 

Sometimes, we just need someone to talk to but it's just that no one is there. I just look up and saw that my friends are all ahead of me and I'm still taking my slow step behind. People think differently and people judge others differently. I'm not really the welcomed type of person and usually, people would just hate me from the very first moment they saw me. I just portray myself as being arrogant, maybe? 

Today, I posted a status on FB: "Sometimes loneliness makes you realize who you really are and what your surrounding look like... and then makes you feel that you rather be lonely..."

That's what came across my mind at that very moment. I'm afraid of a lot of things and I'm actually a big coward. I like extreme sports because that's the only way I can get hurt and reminds me that I'm actually still alive with all the things around me and to be contented of everything. I'm scared but I cannot find another way to push away the fright I have in me... 

I do not expect anyone to understand what I'm going through for two reasons:

1. Every individuals have their own thinking and no one would understand what others are going through.

2. Me, myself do not know what and why I'm having all the emo moments and loneliness and sadness.

No one understands and no one will... Sometimes I just feel sad for no reason or maybe there is a reason and I do not know why. 

And so, this should end because everyone would get bored and think that I'm a paranoid or so. The one thing that I always tell myself is no one will pity you and no one will be there when problem arises. The most trustworthy person is you and yourself. But sometimes that one person who understands would be more than enough and I'm glad that he described it well... Yes, I am active and lively from the outside but at the inside I'm a sentimental person... 

Well, life's never easy... Tomorrow is a new day and it means a new start. Neh?

Ready, Set, GO~!

A very pleasant night to those who are reading or wanting to read my blog. As usual, I'm your Feelings FM DJ, Ivy. Tonight's song would be Stay by Rihanna:


It had not been quite my time recently. I have been wandering around the maze of life trying to get hold of something which I do not know what it is actually.








I took this picture last week when I was on my way back into my condo in KL

When I saw this light shining through the gaps between the pillars, I stood there and look at the sunlight. It was very dazzling but at that very moment, it was like something to me. Something which I've always been searching for.

Since I came to KL, things have not been getting on smoothly. First I was ditched by my only friend in KL for I don't know whatever reason; Then I end up being antisocial in class, staying up all alone. Next I slacked in my studies... So it goes on and on...

In fact, things had been really depressing lately when exams are coming in 57 days and my room mate can never stop annoying me.

Well, I should say from this I learnt some real and true friends. I had a talk with my mom and she gave me another option but I hesitated. It's not that I like KL, in fact I never liked KL... But my friends here, the lecturers here... Those are the reason which makes my want to stay.

I remember one of my friend saying, "Ivy, don't go la!"
I remember one of my course mate saying, "You wanna transfer a? Why?"
I remember one of my bro saying: "You sure ah?"
I remember one of them saying: "As long as the problem is solved, you don't have to move right?"

A few of them volunteered to look out for rooms for me. I even met someone who told me today, "If it's really annoying, you can come over my place to study. My room mate is off till end of this month for study break so no problem. Just give me a text any time."
To say the truth, I'm touched and happy and glad and contented that I meet them.

I was such an antisocial person until I came into this class and I started having more and more friends. Some are Hi Bye friends, some I never talk to, some are study mates but nevertheless every one of them treat me well. I never regretted meeting them. I never regretted open up my heart and feelings to them.

I'm really sorry for the stress I've been through. Breaking down is so NOT ME, but I did last week in class itself. Some of them saw it but they gave me some support and ya, it was really helpful.

Today's status on FB：
I thank all my friends and course mates (this is targeted to them but here I add on, my parents and family) who are concerned about what I'm going through. Thank you for giving me advice and finding an alternative way for me to study under these undesirable circumstances. And I thank HER sincerely for inviting me over to study when it's convenient. Thank you so much. I'll try my best for the exam. Let's fight.

I learnt something... I learnt that there are people who hates me and there are people who loves me for who I am. I do not have to waste time on those who hates me... All I need to do is to appreciate those who loves me, those who supported me, those who accept me for who I am and what I do. Even one day things might change, there is still a 'once upon a time' leaving in my memories within...

Now it's time to get ready for a total boost and rush for examinations. 57 days to go and counting. Let's get ready. Let's pass our exams and meet again next year. Let's finish the whole course and graduate together!

ON YOUR MARK, READY, SET.... GO!!!