Ready, Set, GO~!

A very pleasant night to those who are reading or wanting to read my blog. As usual, I'm your Feelings FM DJ, Ivy. Tonight's song would be Stay by Rihanna:


It had not been quite my time recently. I have been wandering around the maze of life trying to get hold of something which I do not know what it is actually.








I took this picture last week when I was on my way back into my condo in KL

When I saw this light shining through the gaps between the pillars, I stood there and look at the sunlight. It was very dazzling but at that very moment, it was like something to me. Something which I've always been searching for.

Since I came to KL, things have not been getting on smoothly. First I was ditched by my only friend in KL for I don't know whatever reason; Then I end up being antisocial in class, staying up all alone. Next I slacked in my studies... So it goes on and on...

In fact, things had been really depressing lately when exams are coming in 57 days and my room mate can never stop annoying me.

Well, I should say from this I learnt some real and true friends. I had a talk with my mom and she gave me another option but I hesitated. It's not that I like KL, in fact I never liked KL... But my friends here, the lecturers here... Those are the reason which makes my want to stay.

I remember one of my friend saying, "Ivy, don't go la!"
I remember one of my course mate saying, "You wanna transfer a? Why?"
I remember one of my bro saying: "You sure ah?"
I remember one of them saying: "As long as the problem is solved, you don't have to move right?"

A few of them volunteered to look out for rooms for me. I even met someone who told me today, "If it's really annoying, you can come over my place to study. My room mate is off till end of this month for study break so no problem. Just give me a text any time."
To say the truth, I'm touched and happy and glad and contented that I meet them.

I was such an antisocial person until I came into this class and I started having more and more friends. Some are Hi Bye friends, some I never talk to, some are study mates but nevertheless every one of them treat me well. I never regretted meeting them. I never regretted open up my heart and feelings to them.

I'm really sorry for the stress I've been through. Breaking down is so NOT ME, but I did last week in class itself. Some of them saw it but they gave me some support and ya, it was really helpful.

Today's status on FB：
I thank all my friends and course mates (this is targeted to them but here I add on, my parents and family) who are concerned about what I'm going through. Thank you for giving me advice and finding an alternative way for me to study under these undesirable circumstances. And I thank HER sincerely for inviting me over to study when it's convenient. Thank you so much. I'll try my best for the exam. Let's fight.

I learnt something... I learnt that there are people who hates me and there are people who loves me for who I am. I do not have to waste time on those who hates me... All I need to do is to appreciate those who loves me, those who supported me, those who accept me for who I am and what I do. Even one day things might change, there is still a 'once upon a time' leaving in my memories within...

Now it's time to get ready for a total boost and rush for examinations. 57 days to go and counting. Let's get ready. Let's pass our exams and meet again next year. Let's finish the whole course and graduate together!

ON YOUR MARK, READY, SET.... GO!!!

PAINTBALL ON THE GO~!!

A very good evening to all of you who are reading my blog...

I'm your DJ for this evening, Ivy.

So, tonight's theme would be the very first step to my 'Let My Arenaline Rush' Plan.

OK, things start this way... 

2 weeks ago, I sort of went into a total stress and depression mode due to the upcoming exams which is in say... 65 days? *OMG, that is so close~ I'm gonna fail man...

BUt anyway, since it's nothing to do with those who are not sitting for the exam, there is no point stressing you guys out... So, me and my classmate were having this conversation in class one fine afternoon before class starts:

Me: "I feel like going for Bungee Jumping." 

Duncan: "Why do you wanna go BUngee Jumping?"

Me: "Too stress, just to release my stress. Wanna come? RM75 in SUnway Lagoon."

Duncan: "WHat?! You are using RM75 to buy gravity? One jump, 2 seconds, RM75?"

Me: "Ya?"

Duncan: "WHy not I buy you a rope and tie your leg and let you jump off from one of the condo in KL? It's free."

Me: "That's not the point."

Duncan: "Cummon! Do something else."

Me: "I really love all this games... I wanna go for BUngee Jumping, Go Carting, Abselin, Flying Fox, Paintball, Lazer Skirmish..."

Duncan: "You seriously wanna go for paintball?"

Another classmate who is sitting behind of us, Mark responded: "I heard paintball. Are we going for paintball?"

Duncan: "We can organize if you guys want."

And so.... This event starts...

So we basically gathered information about paintball fields and the charges... And Duncan set up an event group on Facebook recruiting members of our coursemates to join. Things goes well excepts with some glitch (Well, expected right?) but it turn out quite well and we'll officially starts our story here!

At first we  plan to meet at BAC (Brickfields Asia College, i.e: the college we're studying) and Duncan will pick me and another 2 people from there. I was late but anyway I reached and he called and said, "Hey, Ivy... THere's a block there. The police don't allow me to cross, can you come to BAC2?" 

So me, Prab and Jie Jiun walked to BAC2 and hop on... Anyway, we weren't really late when we reached the place... Walah, It's TAG Paintball at Taman Desa. THe exact location cannot be found on Google Map, so my advice, type this on your GPS if you were to go: Taman Desa Waterpark. It's the same way but it's a very old 4 stories parking beside the waterpark.

So basically when we reached there we started waiting up till 3.15 when we started briefing. They explained Capture the Flag MOde, Team Death and also Terminator(play till the pellets finish)

But in the end we only played the Team Death and Terminator

During the game, adrenaline rush to the very peak. THis is even so when you saw your opponent running around and you hear shooting all around. THe pain when you got shot is intense but it does not last for long. It might bruises you but at the very moment, you feel alive. After all the stress and hectic life in the city, this is one way that will really relaxes your mind. 

NO thought will go through the mind except to survive the game and to shoot down your opponent. 

At the very end, we still have some bullets left so we went on a 1 vs 1 game. This game pushes the thrill to the max. The first round was Duncan vs Prab... The second round was me vs Jian. 

THe sweat after the game really refreshes the mind, and the moment when I got shot at the neck but Keith really makes my blood burnt further. I want to feel the pain, I want to shoot and finish off the game... That is what I tell myself.

I did not get much bruises, only a couple of them... Here, one on my thigh (by I don't know who) and one on my shoulder (by Hui Fang):

After the game, we went for dinner at Seng Kee Restaurant. We had amazing conversations there. IN a way, this game really brought everyone who are usually antisocial to work together and to talk about things that we never talk in class.

From left: Me, Hui Fang, Aeshprit, Prab, Kavitha, Kristen, JJ, Mark, Nelia, Yau Lem, Jian, Keith.

Missing：Siah Fong

Anyway, if there's a chance... I would love to go for a second round. 

Our players. 

Second Row from left: Mark, Nelia, Prab, Jian, Keith (the extremely aggressive one), Aeshprit.

First Row from left: Siah Fong, Yau Lem, Me, Duncan, Kristen, JJ, Kavitha

Missing: Hui Fang.

Here are some info if you guys wanna feel the thrill and join the game. 

TAG Paintball website: http://www.paintball-tag.com/paintball-tag/paintball-tag/main/default.asp
TAG FB Group :https://www.facebook.com/groups/147069708416/

Needies:

1. Bottle of water. (You can still buy drinks after the game, we bought 100 Plus RM2.50 per can)

2. Tissue or handkerchief. (Trust me, you will sweat a lot)

3. Clean shirt (For changing after the game)

4. Clean pants (For changing after the game)

5. Towel and toiletries (If you plan to bath after the game)

The thing about TAG paintball is, the people there are pretty good... Friendly Marshalls there, and the toilets are very big and clean. You would feel comfortable with the equipments provided too as they are clean and you do not feel disgusted. 

They will provide you with the mask and the marker, i.e: the gun. Others will be on your own cost.

There are 14 of us, we paid approximately RM100 for the playfield, the equipments and 2 boxes of pellets. If you want to rent the vest, it cost RM10 extra. But it would be advisable for first time players as it is quite painful.

So that's all for today. Feel free to drop any question about this and I'll try to help.

Rating for today's activity:

Adrenaline Rush   :  ☆☆★★★

Thrill                    :  ☆★★★★

Overall                 :  ☆☆★★★ (3.5 actually, but my soft Keyboard doesn't have the half star symbol)

My Burger Lab

OK, it had been 3 months I found out about this shop besides Burger Kaw Kaw(located at Wangsa Maju, I heard there's another branch at PJ). Well, I'm always craving for something and this is seriously what I wanted to try... I had been asking my course mates about it's whereabout but all their responses are
i) Don't know la, where is the place?
ii) I usually drive there de wor...
And so, I went on to Google and checked the place. To dismay, no information of the nearest LRT station was there. The thing about me is I'm not from KL so I don't drive...

Finally, after 2 months of eavesdropping... I heard this one day,
"Eh, wanna go Burger Lab ah?"
"Want want want. HOw to go ah?"
"I heard there is a LRT station nearby there."
"Stop where ah?"
"Taman Paramount I heard."
Hmm... Taman Paramount... COol! now I know the place. All I need to know is how to get to the shop from Taman Paramount LRT station. So, in conjuction with my brother's off day I decided to bring him for dinner at Burger Lab since he's a total aficionado of burgers (WEll, I suspect he has a dream of trying every single burger on earth)

So at 3.30pm today, I texted a course mate... So in count of 3, I'm gonna reveal his name... 3! 2! 1! With a round of applause, let's welcome Dnesh Ong~! Well, this is the message he sent me just now:

  I'm like Okay... With this I should be able to find the place... I hope. So after class, I met up my brother at MCD KL Sentral and we started discussing...

"Eh, have you went there before?" my bro
I answered in a very sorry manner..."Er... Actually... No..."
"Ha? Will we get lost then? I need to catch the bus at 7.30 and it's already 5.30,"
"Well, no harm giving a try..."
"We better find the place, I'm starving."
Well, we took the LRT(just in case anyone do not know, it's KJ line, formerly know as Putra line) until the station of Taman Paramount.

"OK, let's go." I said enthusiastically.
"Er, bus... 7.30 need to be at KL Sentral." my bro reminded.
"Alright."
So I opened this message and started following the direction.
We walked up the stairs and undecidable whether to turn left or right and trust me, it is a dead end if you walk straight as written in the message. So I looked around and followed by instinct(I was know to have very good sense of direction). At the corner of the road, I spotted a traffic light signboard so I took the left turn and lucky me, I found the traffic light!

That is a very straight uphill road with loads of cars moving. So a friendly advise, be careful when walking along the road as traffic are quite congested in that area. So basically we can see the end of the road there and I was reading the message where my brother shouted, "Holy, there really is a KFC there!"

I'm like, OK... We're on the right track so we moved on... We followed the message direction and found the place... It was quite a distance from the LRT station... Say about... 15 mins walk...

Here's the map:

OK, this map sucks but it's not really that hard to find... Trust me... Don't worry and just walk...
So we ended lining up in the restaurant and started looking at the notice board full of pictures and money of other currencies... Well, of course the menu... They came up with fantastic names which will attract the customers' attention (Undeniably)... E.g: Water Balloon (Watermelon and Lychee fillings, I wonder what is the taste), The Hulk, Swisstake etc...

Since both me and my brother are beef "craver"(aka beef lovers), we went for the beef meal... I ordered a Hangover Burger which I saw received quite some compliments at the notice board... Here it is:

OK, here are the ingredients:
1. Beef Patty
2. Hashbrown
3. Lettuce
4, SHitake Mushroom
5. Enoki Mushroom
6. Maple syrup
PS: Mushrooms that came with the sauce is awesome...

It looks weird but it taste awesome... Hangover Burger, my first trip to My BUrger Lab... I would give a 4/5 and I would definitely love to have one more but it's too filling. Seriously TOO filling.

So basically my brother saw another thing which attracted him... The cool name and cool ingredients. Well, he always go for something which has cooler name and more sophisticating ingredients. So basically he chose this: Beautiful Mess ver 4.0

The ingredients?
1. Beef Patty
2. Sunny side-up (aka egg)
3. Portabella mushroom
and I can recall no more... Sorry if I missed out any ingredients.

Anyway, he chose this... And he was quite contented with the taste... And it is too VERY fiiling... *Burp

NOw, to the bill... Me and my brother with a side fries for me and a side fries +drink for my brother... Total is RM44.00
Well, some would say expensive... I would say it's quite worthy... Highly reccomended to try on their fries... With(it's a must) some of the sauce they provided... Trust me, it's one of the best... Especially the sauce... No joke.

Well, that;s all... He went back to work after that and I was left here typing this blog just to share with anyone who is interested in getting there and have a bite of this... Oh, by the way just in case you are curious why the bun is black in colour, it's charcoal bread...
The worker there are friendly, very friendly and very helpful... With a high speed wifi and a nice environment... Totally a suitable place for gathering and meet up... I would love to re-visit this shop some day.

Overall rating: 4/5 ☆★★★★

那天晚上……

13/01/2013 10:14

大家，晚上好。
其实会更着一个部落格说来话长……这片部落文章已经是一个星期前应该更新的，但是因为网络出现了问题所以迟迟没能更新……Anyway,在这里和读者们打声招呼：“大家好，我是你们的心情部落格DJ——艾微。”

一个星期前，就是在06/01/2013晚上8时整我到了LOT 10观赏了一部舞台剧……这一部舞台剧是我非常喜欢的一个DJ改编自一篇自创小故事的，名为《巴塞罗那的一封信》。看完了这一部舞台剧，心里多多少少有些感动也有些感触……上面这一支video就是当天晚上《巴塞罗那的一封信》的主题曲——《喜欢过》。送给大家……

那天晚上看完了舞台剧已经快接近10点了，我和刚认识的一个朋友分散了以后我就一个人慢慢地从LOT 10徒步到KLCC搭捷运回到家里……一路上，我试着找回刚刚看舞台剧的那一股感觉……我不想忘记它因为那一股感觉让我找回了一些我一直逃避的勇气，让我可以抬头看看前方的路……

（记录于06/01/2013）
走在人群热闹的街道上，我开始怀疑自己的人生目的是什么……我就这样，带着略微轻快的脚步踏上这一个回家的旅途上……和那一些迎面而来的人群擦肩而过，我开始问自己：他们每一个人走在街道上是不是都是充满着希望，带着期许过着每一天？

刚刚看过了彪民的舞台剧——《巴塞罗那的一封信》。在这一则小故事里有那么一句话：
放弃比坚持容易，坚持比放弃满足……
男孩因为坚持找到了梦想；女孩因为梦想而坚持。

我的情况很故事里的女主角差不多。故事里的女主角从小就很爱跳舞但是却让她的母亲觉得跳舞，不是一门专业。难听说一句，跳舞不能找吃……而我的情况，我……想念大众广播可是父亲却以“成绩那么好干吗年大众广播？”这一个理由，被刷了下来……

我记得在舞台剧开始之前，彪民坐在台上……他说，希望在今天看完了舞台剧以后我们可以带回什么东西……而我的确带走了一些东西。是什么呢？也许是一个精神、一个感触、一个感动、一份勇气、一个心态……一个让我重拾心情，坚持去完成着一个不喜欢年的课程……也许在今天晚上之后，我会意识到……人生并不是什么都可以顺心如意；不是什么事情都是完美、如我所愿的……也许我就是要经历着一些不如意才能找到幸福、梦想。

快乐要怎么得来？是不是就在于自己对生活的态度呢？我不知道。
前面的路要怎么走？我也不懂。
但是在怎么艰辛，我们身为人类也是可以熬过的……这就是人类的奥妙不是吗？
一个鼓励、一个拥抱……对于一些人来说真的不算什么，但是却在某一些程度上给与对于仍然在迷茫的路途上漫步的我一些精神上的支柱。

《巴塞罗那的一封信》入门票

我一直在怨父亲要我念一刻我不喜欢年的科系——法律。对于大人们来说，这一刻是多么的专业、是多么的神圣；对于我来说，它是多么的无聊、多么地烦闷而且丝毫没有放松的机会。但是也许只要我坚持、不放弃，毕业了也许我可以完成我的梦想：DJ也好、写小说也好、开一家在梦里时常出现的咖啡厅也罢……但是目前最重要的还是把本分做好，这是一个责任、一个对付母亲的交代、一份孝顺、让他们开心……

可能在某一些程度上我只需这样就可以让他们满足，让我的心里不会有愧疚感……但是过了今天我发现，其实一直以来我不断把责任推到他们身上……这也是孝顺吗？还是不孝呢？往好的方面想，如果不是这样我根本不会来到吉隆坡念书、更别说看什么歌舞剧、有什么领悟。如果不是这样，我就不会发现自己一直以来都错了……现在的我，应该先把书念好在为梦想打算。

人，因梦想而伟大……不是吗？

其实，我讨厌吉隆坡；我讨厌高楼大厦；我讨厌走在街上那一些数不清的车鸣声；我讨厌法律……对我而言，法律是让那一些有权有势的人用来霸凌那一些弱小分子的工具……
但是，不管是什么领域都需要法律不是吗？

刚刚在观赏舞台剧的时候，我听着男女主角的吵闹……他们的争执……眼角的泪水一直流、一直流……大概是因为同感身受吧！我不断的说是因为父母才让我踏上这一条我不愿踏上的路途，但是这样的一个做法我就像是把所有的错都施加于父母身上……这样的我不也同样地在用“法律”去欺凌吗？

看完了舞台剧，我惊觉我不可以在这样子活下去……这条路是我自己的，要怎么走也是看我自己……是要放弃还是要坚持也掌握在我的手中……无不知道坚持是不是会得到满足但是至少如果我不放弃，我不会觉得对不起我自己……

和最爱的DJ——《今晚最night听》的彪民

对于彪民来说，也许我就是和那成千上万的听众一样……只是一个崇拜他的小“歌迷”……但是他却不知道，他的节目、他的故事总是对我有辅助的作用……就像是他的故事《小小的名姓片》一样，他就像是小小……每一天听着他的声音在空中播出，听着他解读每一句人生的小道理……就像是解决了我一些些的烦恼……

那天晚上……我真的领悟了很多……
看完了那一场night听show，感触良多……也许是因为同样的事情也发生在我的身上还有很多青少年的身上……但是看完了那场show，我仿佛找到了如何面对接下来的事情的方法、心态、勇气和力量……
最后，也再次地……谢谢您，彪民……谢谢那一些成功让这场show上演的台前、幕后的工作人员……

渐渐学会了珍惜……亲情

大家晚上好，谢谢大家仍然愿意留守这一个一成不变的部落格。今天是2013年1月4日，接下来的几天，我们大家都会学习如何习惯地更改年份——把2012写成2013……

我是你们今晚的部落格DJ——艾微。
在这一个平静的夜晚，你的心情是如何的呢？在看着这一个部落格的事情，脑海里浮现了什么画面？
今晚的主题——亲情。

在打着部落格的同时，我非常习惯地就播放着反映我此刻心情的歌曲……而今天的歌曲就是影片现实的——张栋梁的《爸爸妈妈》。
我不知道你有没有听过这一首歌，也不知都听过的你是否会喜欢但是如果你想要更贴近我的思想，不妨试试一边听着歌、一边看看这一篇文章……

在我的记忆里我并不是一个要风得风、要雨得雨的小孩。相反的，家里的教育是：你要得到一样东西，你就必须付出努力和代价……我相信这是几乎每一家庭的教育吧！赞成吗？
小的时候我们时常怨说：“为什么我们要付出努力才能得到回报？为什么别人家的小孩想要什么就可以得到什么？为什么我就不行呢？”

我们小时候的妒嫉和羡慕带到了中学就变成了叛逆……我们在中学时期认为父母是最不了解我们的人，总觉得他们就是在阻挡着我们前进同时不让我们发挥自己的所长……我们会觉得和朋友搅和在一块总比呆在家里的好……总觉得……和父母有代沟，他们无法了解我们要的是什么……
没有经历过这一些的朋友们，我不知道应该说“恭喜”因为你真的是一个乖乖牌……还是应该说“啊？”因为这一些大部分青少年会经历的事情你没有经历过……

好啦！中学毕业了，会考过去了……是时候离乡背井，工作得也好、念书的也罢，反正心里的念头是：我要出去闯！在这一个小镇上住了10几年，我终于得到自由啦！
背起来行囊，我们踏上了那一片陌生又崭新的土地……
一开始，一切都非常顺心：交到新朋友、得到赏识、找到了快乐、体会了自由，反正这一个城市的一切就没有家里的好……但是，朋友里渐渐有人开始妒嫉你、赏识升级了，工作量也增加了、生活开始不如意了……每一天忙忙碌碌地，早出晚归……回到家里已经累得倒在床上……
在那么一刻，你突然地会感到孤独、寂寞……而脑海里出现的莫过于那一个从小到大长大的——家。

你想起了父母，想起了小镇，想起了家，想起了一切……在那么一刻就发现原来心里的自由也许不是自己一直向往的。人就像风筝，飞久了也希望停下来休息一下……而庆幸的是只要我们回头看就会发现……其实一直以来就有那么一条线系着我们，只是偶尔放松了我们没有察觉到……当它紧绷了我们又发现了……那一条系着我们的线就是那一个从来不遗弃我们的家人……

每当我听着一首歌，我的眼泪都会落下……因为当我自己离开了家里，我渐渐体会到没有父母在身边的感觉……
他们从来不计较我们做错的事情，反而在我们做错了成为我们的避风港……责骂是一定的，但是到最后他们还是会原谅、会为我们撑起那一片即将塌下来的蓝天。
他们从来不要求我们报答，反而无条件地、尽全力地为我们付出……我们小的时候会觉得为什么父母没有办法满足我们想要的，但是其实他们尽全力的在满足我们的需求但是却默默地、不吭声地……再怎么累，只要孩子开心父母就会开心了……

小的时候，我们恨不得快点长大离开家；长大了，我们希望我们永远不要长大想要一直当躺在父母怀里的小孩……
那么现在呢？
你多就没有回家了？多久没有看到自己的父母了？多久没有给他们一个拥抱，在脸颊留下一个吻了？
没有空，不是借口……回家吧！一两天也好，至少看看父母和他们聊聊天……暂时放下手上的工作……和他们简单地吃一顿饭，告诉他们：“爸、妈……我想你们了……”

今天说这一些是因为弟弟去外坡工作了，然后时常忘了要发个信息回家报平安……妈妈非常低焦虑：担心他睡不好、吃不好地……我听说妈妈因为担心他自己也睡不好，还哭了……
也许是他还小、也许因为他是男孩子认为其实没有必要向一直给家里打电话、发信息……但是他却不知道，家里的父母还有我这个做姐姐的天天因为他没有发信息都在担心了……
对他来说，这也许是自由……但是我衷心地希望他有遭一日会明白其实……

“真正的自由是当你可以在事业、友情、亲情、爱情之间找到一个平衡点……

真正的自由是当你一路往前奔驰的时候，你依然记得系着你的那一条线……

真正的自由是不管是好还是坏，回头时就有一个家在那里等着……”

是我变老了吗？还是因为我长大了？我离开家到外地念书的两年里，我渐渐学会了珍惜……亲情……

“请记得要常回家看看爸爸和妈妈，简单的一顿饭他们也开心很久啊！

随便聊一些话或随意呆在家，父母的伟大是从不要求我们报答……”

——————张栋梁《爸爸妈妈》

向2013打招呼

2013年1月2日00：07

在这一个平静且疲惫的夜晚，脑海里不断地重复着这一首歌：SHE的《触电》。
究竟是为什么？我自己也不清楚，反正脑海里就是不停地播放着……
没来得及在1月1日更新部落格，感觉挺遗憾的……但是遗憾终究只会是遗憾因为时间不会倒流……

从以前就很喜欢这一首歌，感觉这一首歌给我带来了轻松的心情……
轻快的节奏搭上了易懂的歌词，感觉整首歌就不一样了……

在这一个新的年份里回头看看在2012年的自己，发现自己真的浪费了很多光阴……
不行！不可以再堕落了！
在2013年，就当这是一个从新的开始吧！脱离了年少的时期，迈入20的阶层……（*泣……）
在这一年里，是时候反省了……为自己的考试做好充分的准备，不可以再偷懒了……
今年最重要的还是考试……当然还有父母和家人……

也许是自己渐渐长大了，不再对任何的事情有憧憬……
我知道世界上没有天长地久，所以在可以珍惜的时候就应该珍惜……
对于爱情，也没有了年少时期的亢奋和害羞……不再幻想什么轰轰烈烈的情节，只盼遇到一个可以接受我的一切让我做回自己的男生……
对于有情，少了那一份执着不知是好是坏但是与其勉强绑着那一些想要飞走的人倒不如就紧牵着那一些愿意留下来的人……

艾微希望自己在2013年里可以健健康康、快快乐乐……不要求事事顺心但是希望不顺心的事情到最后都绘画上句点……
2013，希望世界上的每一个人在避开了2012年12月21日——世界末日的“诅咒”和“传说”以后，都可以有一个不一样的开始……重新踏上正确的归途……
艾微再次希望家人、朋友、自己都健健康康、快快乐乐地度过2013年……


HAPPY NEW YEAR~!

因为在乎，所以犹豫

在开始今天的文章之前，先送上一首陪着我写这个文章的歌……有这一首《Music & Lyrics》的OST——《Way Back Into Love》。

电脑桌面上的时钟一秒一秒走着，现在是凌晨12点17分……晚上好。
我是今晚的心情主播——艾微。
今天，我再次更新着一个部落格……因为我发现我荒废它太久了……为什么呢？这个要从最后一次更新文章开始说起。在那一天之后，生活就开始忙碌起来……除此之外，当然因为自己的怠惰所以让我的这一个小天地荒废再此……
今天我心血来潮地再次打开这一个部落格，因为今天心情有一些小波动所以想要听听音乐更新一下、整理一下心情……
看着颜色暗淡的部落格，我的心里很沉重啊！也许事时候改变一下这一个维持了两年的部落了……
Anyway，今天的主题不再这……今天想说的是：在乎和犹豫的关联……

我自己是一个天秤座的女生……而天秤座最独一无二的弱点就是优柔果断，没有办法做选择……当然同样的事情也会发生在我这一个典型的天秤座女孩身上。
从小到大，我的个性都比较大咧咧……但唯独要我作选择的时候，我就会扭扭捏捏起来……
你为我为什么？我也答不出……
最近我开始观察我自己的个性，因为我犹豫不决的性格让我亲爱的母亲大人非常的不爽。
渐渐的我发现我并不是时常都拿不定主意，当我真的拿不定主意的时候就是我的决定会牵涉其他人的时候……
有时候心里想要的和实际上应该做的多多少少会有出入……而这一些出入往往就是会牵涉到第三者的……

打个比方吧！在我18岁那一年，我在服兵役的时候就拿不定主意到底服完了兵役要往哪一方面发展……我不能够决定应该念私立学院还是年政府先修班。我犹豫是因为我知道念私立学院的学费是非常昂贵的……我的家里未必负担得起这一笔庞大的费用……
此外，我想到要离开家就非常的不舍……心里惦记着父母、弟弟……也害怕不如一个新的环境，害怕太多的未知数。政府先修班毕竟是在家乡的高中念，怎么说还是在家的好……
最后和母亲吵了一架，只有拿定主意念了私立大学……这么一念也念了快两年了。现在是法律系学士学位的第一年……

我记得为了学多类似的小事情，我不知和父母吵了多少次架、也哭了多少次……
在阳光底下，我是一个开朗、潇洒、没有烦恼、什么事情都迎刃而解的女生……但是内心还是有那么一个软弱的地方：那么一个懂得想家、依赖父母、倾听我的心情的人、关心我的朋友……其实不管多么坚强地面对困境、委屈和不愉快，还是会对着一些事情充满着憧憬和幻想……而这一些事情，我把它们标签为“美好”。

言归正传，说起那一些犹豫……我发现如果有那么一个事情让我无法作决定的，那么那一件事情一定是我很在意、在乎的。当我没有办法决定时，我会觉得自己很没有用然后就恼起来发脾气……但是其实我很焦急。
我在乎、我珍惜、我不想浪费时间、我想要和身边的家人、朋友制造好多好多的回忆……
也许是自己太悲观，但是我觉得活着的每一天都是那么的美好、都是一份不可多得的机会、奇迹……虽然在每一天的生活里，会有懊恼的事情、不快乐的但不否认的……很多时候只要不计较那么多，心里还是会因一些非常微不足道的事而感到知足、快乐……

我母亲大人受不了我这犹豫的个性，但是她不知道我是因为在乎所以才会犹豫……
现在是凌晨12点45分，艾微在这里画上一个句点……
祝大家有一个美好的夜晚……